I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
