my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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