I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
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He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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