if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
