I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
