You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
