dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need to sanitize my soul.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
