i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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