This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
