Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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