i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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