I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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