he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
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This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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