you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
