Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
