I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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