As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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