Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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