First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
