I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
