all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
