I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize