No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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