John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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