Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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