Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
