I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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