Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
