when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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