you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
