So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
