i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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