I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
