May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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