I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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