i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
