i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
