we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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