I cockslap morals
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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