walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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