You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
