it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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