If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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