Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
