P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
