Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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