Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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