pop tarts are not kleenex
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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