He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
