This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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