Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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