She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
