just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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