Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
