I bet he comes in French.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
