I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
