I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
