well you can't waste a boner
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
