I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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