I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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