I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
