What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
