How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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