Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
