Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
These tits shall not be calmed
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
