If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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