I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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