i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
