i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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