so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
