he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
