I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize