My room smells like vodka and shame
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
