We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
