its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
