i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize