everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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