i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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