Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
