You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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