@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
