I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
