I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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