I looked at my own cervix.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
birth control should be required to get into college
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
