she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
